For a long time, I’ve been struggling with the idea of getting old. I know that I’d one day die. I know that every living, breathing moment is a step closer to death. The weight of an inevitable demise occasionally throws me into an existential crisis. If everything will become meaningless in the end, why should I even try? Will I ever be able to make a dent in the universe, or will I just pass away like a drop of dew in the morning sun? Continue reading “[Day 628] When breath becomes air”
Don’t you hate it when you’re sad and people tell you: “Don’t be sad.”
Like, dude, I’m sad not because you want me to be sad. I’m sad because stupid things happen, and that makes me sad.
I just want to let you know that I’ve been off Facebook for a month, and I haven’t had any desire to get back on it. It’s liberating. Here are some aspects of my life that have become much better without Facebook.
- I feel more connected to people. It’s ironic since Facebook is supposed to help you connect to your friends, but I feel that connections on Facebook are superficial because they are too convenient. Now, people I interact with are people who really want to interact with me. They would go out of their way to get my number or to send me an email. And I do the same to people I want to connect with.
Today, I had dinner with a really nice guy. Like two adults, we talked about our life goals. There were 6 things I was looking for–yes, I made a list, had it printed out and tucked away in my phone case. But when he asked, I told him only two. I wanted to be healthy and I wanted to make it as a writer and that was all. The other four, I couldn’t tell him. The truth is I hadn’t been able to tell anyone. There is something about admitting to what you want that makes you feel so vulnerable. Isn’t the more you want, the weaker you get? Would people make fun of me, the oh so needy and desperate?
I have two friends who do the same personal project: actively trying to be a better person every day. Let’s call these two friends Marie and Paul. They are both college students living in Bay Area. They reflect a lot on what they do, how it affects other people and sometimes seek other people’s opinions as well. They have a list of things they want to improve about themselves and practice these every day. I was having dinner with Marie the other day when the waiter asked us if he could take our plates away. We hadn’t finished our meal yet. It was a busy night at the restaurant and we had been sitting there for a while. Continue reading “[Day 18] How to become a better person”
Since I will be traveling outside the US over the summer, my advisor *strongly recommended* that I visit the travel clinic before I go. So I did. I told the doctor I plan to visit the UK and Vietnam.
“UK is fine but for Vietnam, you’d need to be careful.”
Recently, I have been thinking a lot about death. How can we understand life if we don’t know about death? And since I can’t just die to find out, (or can I?), I try to understand what is going on in the mind of people who know that they will be dying soon? So I looked up stories about death-row inmates. Below are some of what I found. Warning: this is morbid and somewhat creepy. Proceed at your own risk. Continue reading “[Day 7] What would I say if I were on the death row?”