Today, Tucker and I went to “Good Times in the Grotto” and it was lit. In Tucker’s words, all the comedians “are surprisingly good for a free basement show.” It was down in the basement of a sports store in Mission. I knew I was going to love the place when I walked in and people smiled at me and the first person I talked me turned out to not work in tech. Score.
Below are some of the best jokes from the night. My memory is quite bad so I don’t remember all who said what. But the lineup includes Roman Leo, Hence Singleton, Morgan, Ben Lupinetti, William Lushbaugh, Ruby Gill, Nando Molina, Jazmyn Washington. If you try enough combinations, you’ll eventually get it right.
Here you go!
“When my girlfriend rides a bike it looks like she’s exercising but when I ride a bike it looks like I don’t own a car.”
“When I need encouragement I think of Ray Charles. He was a blind man who did heroin. Think about it for a second. If he could find the vein I can find a job.” – Nando Molina
Background information: all my roommates are chess players and they exercise about once a year.
“I feel bad for gymnasts. Nobody gives a **** about them until the Olympics.”
“Why does that girl have her makeup on? Did she wake up this morning telling herself that I’m gonna sweat my ass off today I’d better do it in style?”
The stoner: the guy who just hit a bong and reeks of liberalism and is probably on the wrong train.
The Oprah: the person who always runs into one friend or another on the train and decides that it’s the perfect time for a deep, soul searching, and revealing conversation.
The novice DJ: that one guy who doesn’t exactly have a refined taste in music but likes to play his music really loudly from his phone’s speaker.
Before we go on, allow me to introduce my new favorite professor Mykel Kochenderfer. He did his BS and MS at Stanford, then did his PhD at University of Edinburgh (he finished his PhD in 3 years), then worked at that fancy lab MIT Lincoln Laboratory, and wrote this fascinating book called Decision Making Under Uncertainty. Other than being extremely smart, Mykel is also my professor and the father of my new four best friends. FYI, today, our class went to museums with his family and he and his wife left their four kids, aged 2 to 10, with me for an hour. They trusted me with their kids. Can you believe that?
When I found out that Mykel read Wikipedia for fun, I was fascinated. It’s like when someone asks you what you do for fun and you say: “I work on my PhD” or “I solve equations.” How amazing does it sound? So I asked him for the list of his favorite Wikipedia pages–I was procrastinating and was looking for something interesting to read over the weekend. He was very kind to give me his list.
As I’m growing up and my life is expanding, there is a hole in my life that I’d like to have a guy fill up (no pun intended). It’s called “boyfriend”. To be honest, I’m kinda sick of wasting my time with wrong ones. To save time for all of us–you know, those Suits episodes are not gonna watch themselves–I’ve made a list of mandatory criteria that I’m looking for in a guy.
1. When in India
If they agree, they shake head. If they disagree, they shake head. If they don’t understand, they shake head.
2. When you ask for the way
If they know, they show you the way. If they don’t, they still show you the way. If you ask: “Are you sure?”, they shake head.