As a non-native English speaker, I always find the English language fascinating. People keep saying things that make absolutely no sense at all.

“It helped me grow as a person.” Like, seriously, what else could you possibly be growing as? A freaking tree?

“I have a runny nose.” OMG where did your nose run to? I can’t see it on your face.

“You do you.” I would rather be doing someone else, but I guess in the meantime I will have to keep on doing myself.

“When I was first born–” Remind me, when were you second born again?

“Under the weather.” Please tell me what I have to do to be above the weather.

“Rule of thumb.” My thumbs never tell me what to do or anything. Should I be worried?

Why is it “Christ” and “Christchurch” but “Christmas”?

“Sleep like a baby.” You mean, crying at random hours in the night and keeping everyone up with you?

“Safe haven.” Dude, if a place was unsafe, it wouldn’t be a haven.

“A penny for your thoughts.” I don’t know about you, but if someone offered me a penny for my thoughts, I would probably try to negotiate for more.

“Near miss.” What was it? Did you actually miss the accident or nah?

“To hear something straight from the horse’s mouth.” Neiiiiighhhhzzzzz

“How are you?” Please don’t ask me this question again if you have no desire to know about my personal health history.

“Go break a leg.” Yeah, fuck you too, dude.